I want to be a homemaker. There's is nothing I want more than to fulfill my role as a wife and do the cute things I should be doing. But ya know what? I have to work full time so we can have this cute house we do. And we are barely able to keep it, thanks to this crummy economy and I'm just sick of it. Complaining doesn't do anything to help. I KNOW. But that's how I feel.

I want to get up early and make breakfast for my husband. I want to clean the house during the day (NOT on the freaking weekend, when I should be playing) and have dinner waiting on the table when he gets home. I want to have and raise a family here and I want to be the mom they see every day and who teaches (and disciplines) them at home.

Every family is different, but I don't want to be different. I want to be the cookie-cutter wife (with added reading time, because I can't, and won't, give up my books!) who can do everything without a sweat.

But how the frick do I get to that point? Do I work full-time to get my husband through school so he can get a high-enough paying job to support me staying at home to do these things? Do I have him work full-time, supporting me getting my degree and the high-enough paying job to support him getting his degree (the much longer option) until he can support me staying home to do these things?

Cody and I have been married for a glorious almost-four years. We've gone on a few vacations, purchased two homes and four (or more, probably) cars, raised many chickens, and have loved each other. But we look back on these past almost-four years and we wonder, what have we been up to? We feel like we've just been playing house and working. Spending more than we've made and just hanging out.

The point is, I don't care who caused the economic problems we're having, I just want to find a legitimate work-at-home job that will help me fulfill the role I have dreamed about my whole life. I want to be able to support my husband by taking care of the things I don't have time to currently. I'm not happy with the direction my life is going because I don't know where it's going. I don't see the light at the end of this working-for-rest-of-my-life tunnel.

Isn't there a scam-free way to work from home these days?

On Saturday night, an unfortunate accident happened to one of Utah's most prestigious marching bands on their way home from winning a regional competition. Read the news story here. I got teary-eyed when I first heard about it, but it took talking to my Mom later on to let it hit me.

She informed me that hearing the news was especially hard for my Dad because the bus had rolled around the same location as my Grandmother's accident over 11 years ago. Hearing that brought a whole mess of emotions back and I lost it. I don't usually cry in front of my family .. But anything dealing with my late Grandmother is a very sensitive subject for me.

My thoughts and prayers are with everyone who knew the wonderful teacher who passed away. The kicker for me was that they had won the competition. If they hadn't won, would the accident have been more difficult for those involved? I don't believe that my prayers can make them skip the mourning process, but maybe we can lighten their load a little bit.

Edit: I got to see my little brother at a field-show competition today. In honor of the AF Band, all of the bands there wore red ribbons on their uniforms, as seen below on my little brother's uniform. I'm so glad that the music community showed their support.